One-on-Ones That Get Results: Stop Playing Manager, Start Leading
- Alex Khachaturian
- Oct 3
- 4 min read
Promise: Most leaders waste one-on-ones on status updates. Here’s how to run one-on-ones that get results, building trust, performance, and loyalty.
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TL;DR
Most one-on-ones fail because they drift into status updates instead of growth conversations.
The structure you bring is the trust you build.
Great one-on-ones multiply performance, retention, and culture.
Key Takeaways
Replace status with substance.
Use a repeatable framework.
Your job isn’t to talk, it’s to listen.
Document and follow through.
Quick Links
Next Read
The One-on-One From Hell
I once sat in a one-on-one with a boss I didn’t respect, and it turned into a leadership horror story.
They told me everything I was doing was “great,” but in the same breath said I was failing at certain things. When I pointed out, calmly, that the failures were actually outside of my control and were their responsibility, the tone in the room changed fast. They got defensive.
I wasn’t trying to start a fight. I’m usually good at reading people, and my intention was to point out the obvious. The obvious was clear to me: this leader wasn’t ready to lead.
That one-on-one didn’t just waste time, it destroyed trust. And once you lose trust in these meetings, your people stop following you. They stop believing you. And they start looking for the exit.
Don’t let your one-on-ones feel like that. Stop playing manager and start leading, or you’ll lose the room.
Quick Win: 15 Minutes That Changed Retention
Here’s a simple test you can run tomorrow:
Instead of starting your one-on-one with “How’s the project going?” ask:
“What’s on your mind this week?”
“What’s frustrating you most right now?”
“Where do you need me to clear the way?”
I’ve had 15-minute conversations like this that revealed months of buried frustration. When you start here, you move past status updates into substance.
Recommended Books
The Coaching Habit
Written by Michael Bungay Stanier
Best for: Leaders who want to turn conversations into performance multipliers.
What you’ll get: A framework of 7 coaching questions you can drop directly into your one-on-ones.
Radical Candor
Written by Kim Scott
Best for: Leaders who need to balance caring personally with challenging directly.
What you’ll get: A practical guide to giving feedback that’s both kind and clear, exactly what one-on-ones demand.
Leaders Eat Last
Written by Simon Sinek
Best for: Leaders who want to build trust, loyalty, and high-performing teams.
What you’ll get: Stories and research showing why trust and safety are non-negotiables in leadership.
Step-by-Step Playbook: Running One-on-Ones That Get Results
Prepare with Purpose
Don’t wing it. Review last week’s notes and show you remember what mattered to them.
Start with Them
Open with their agenda first: “What’s top of mind for you today?”
Cover Three Buckets
Performance: current projects and blockers
Growth: skills they want to develop
Well-being: stress, balance, motivation
Listen, Then Ask
Resist solving too quickly. Dig deeper with: “And what else?” or “Tell me more.”
End with Action
Summarize agreed items in writing. Even a 2-line email cements accountability.
Troubleshooting: When One-on-Ones Go Cold
Symptom: Conversations feel shallow.
Cause: You’re stuck in status update mode.
Fix: Switch to open-ended coaching questions.
Symptom: They don’t open up.
Cause: Lack of psychological safety.
Fix: Model vulnerability, share your own challenges.
Symptom: Meetings keep getting rescheduled.
Cause: You’re signaling they’re not a priority.
Fix: Treat one-on-ones like client meetings. Lock the time.
FAQ
Q: How often should I run one-on-ones?
Weekly for direct reports, biweekly at minimum.
Q: How long should they last?
30–45 minutes. Shorter = status update, longer = lost focus.
Q: What if my employee has nothing to talk about?
That’s your cue to dig. Ask about growth or frustrations.
Q: Should I take notes?
Yes, shared notes build trust and accountability.
Q: Can group check-ins replace one-on-ones?
No. Teams hide struggles in groups. Growth needs one-on-one time.
Field Checklist
Review last notes before walking in
Start with their agenda
Cover performance, growth, and well-being
Use coaching questions, not task lists
End with action items in writing
Results & ROI
Retention: Employees with quality one-on-ones are 3x more likely to stay.
Performance: Teams with structured one-on-ones hit goals 20–25% more often.
Culture: Trust compounds, when people feel heard, they bring you the truth.
Wrap-Up
One-on-ones aren’t a box to check. They’re your highest-leverage tool as a leader. If you want a team that performs without burning out, stop playing manager and start leading.
Take one thing from this playbook and try it in your next meeting. Then watch how fast the results follow.
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